WTF????

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
I am ridiculous! I tried for two weeks to access my blog to post more notes of note :), but temporarily forgot my password. So I started a new stupid blog, but inexplicably couldn't cope with setting it up.
Wow. I amaze myself. I suppose that many people do thoughtless and silly things, but I always surprise myself because I don't expect MYself to. Why that is? I surely don't know. I am always amused after I get over the inconvenience of whatever airheaded move I have made. Last month, I neglected to get a fix-it ticket taken care of, and it cost my almost $400. My son't friend's mom told me the other day that her son told her that I was rich. Ha! Rich compared to whom?
In any case, this is my 37th day of abstinance from bulimia, in any form. AWE-FUCKING-SOME. I am a new woman. Of course, I am taking a cold-medicine pill some days to help with the cravings, and I am a bit crazy in my head about much of this process, but the real point is that I am living again with the consequences of my food choices. It is very empowering. I won't sugar-coat it: my pink cloud is gone. I wanted to binge on white cake very badly today. I even romanced it for a minute. I miss the zero accountability of the out and out binge and vomit session. I am not responsible for what and how much I eat, I get it all over my clothes and whatever I am sitting on. And then I PUKE. Love that. How sick am I? Boy-howdy.
I am scared, anxious, pissed, and confused. Mostly anxious. How the fuck am I really gonna eat in a healthy way? And how the fuck can I ever stop the COMPULSION? I sure fucking hate it. The WANTING.
I am sorry for my absence, but apparently my idiot attack is over.
More later,
Fabu