WHO THE FUCK AM I?????

Interesting question, isn't it? I wish I could say that I know, but I don't. I am the sum of so many different, and often contradictory parts, that it is tough to say who is the 'real' me. Maybe that question is pure fallacy. Maybe there is no 'real' me, just a compartmentalized multitudinous conglomerate. Whatever that means.
I guess the point is that I feel conflicted much of the time. I am an intense person, and that intensity is often directed towards that afore-mentioned feeling that I call the wanting. That feeling goes against what I value. I am filled with wanting much of the time, and I generally act out on it in some way. And then I feel guilt and shame. Conversely, when I don't act out on the wanting, I feel deprived, as though I lost out on something. Obviously, the more unbearable feeling is this latter one, as evidenced by my years of hedonism and active addiction. So there is the bold truth. My issues have painted me into a corner of loss. I lose what I want, or I lose belief in myself and my abilities to do the right thing. What is the answer? I really don't know. I suppose that I am beginning to believe in the idea that I am capable of great change. By that I mean that now I don't puke, I feel like anything is possible.
More later!
Fabu