When I decide the world is wrong, and I am right, then I know that anxiety will soon follow. In particular with my partner. He is focused on something besides me, and that can at times fill me with anxiety. I am not sure why. I love my space. I love doing my own thing. Yet at times I look over and think, "is this when it starts? The undoing of the love? The beginning of the break-up?" Often, a few minutes later I will find out that he is editing a picture of me, working on minute details of my face, hair, skin and color. Making me look beautiful. Then I am assuaged. Still later, he will pull away first from an embrace, and I will again get anxious. I have decided the world is wrong, and I am right. His declarations of love fall on deaf ears, because I see a lack behind his eyes. He is wrong, and I, unfortunately, am right. Fortunately, these moments are much less frequent than they used to be. I often feel very loved and am content with the many ways that he shows me that love. It is only when I decide that I am right, and the world is wrong, that all seems as lies to me, false and cruel. It is my mantra today that I am loved perfectly. By God always, by my partner in a perfectly human way. By myself, totally.
In fact, I am WRONG, and the world is right. I really am beautiful. I really am loved. I really am deserving and valuable.
Good thing I am wrong!
Fabu
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