Hope Is A Choice. . .

I am sitting here on my couch, feeling that empty feeling again. I just ate some shelled peanuts and a carrot and a cheese stick and some raisins. Why does memorizing my food make me feel safer?
I am so used to feeling as if I am limited when it comes to decisions around food. I can't stop eating, I can't stop wanting, I can't help feeling huge and crazy, I can't eat for health and energy.
I am making a new declaration today.
HOPE IS A CHOICE!
The fact of ED in my life is the only constant. How I deal with ED, what I make ED mean, how I feel about ED, these are my choices.
And today I chose to be empowered. I ate what I wanted then walked away. I took responsibility for everything that I ate, and I didn't bemoan the fact that for today I don't have the option of going and having a little binge later.
These are my choices, and I am never powerless over them. I am aware, I am alert, and I am in charge.
Blessings to my H.P. for giving me insight. Today my partner said something that struck me as true. He said that though he was not the most spiritual of men, he would fire his God if he felt that that God could not or would not help him out of the Hell of active addiction.
I can't fire a God I don't believe in. But I certainly can give shape, emotion, meaning and design to what I have intuitively felt since I was small: SOMETHING.
Hope is a choice. God is a choice. For today, I choose health, abstinance, love and empowerment.
Fabu