I am super unhappy right this second. I just had a MONSTER binge. I have been eating sugar just like I can, and having occasional binges that shake the bulimic rafters SO badly that I cannot believe that I actually haven't barfed. I have fucked with laxatives, tonight in fact. And I NEVER weigh myself.
I am actually THRILLED right now. I know what I need to do (eat a foodplan WITHOUT sugar of any kind, besides fruit) and I didn't throw up. I just keep thinking, if I throw up, I am still gonna be chubby, still gonna be desperate, and will have the additional issue of having RELAPSED.
Not that what I ate tonight could be considered anything less than a relapse. I guess the real point is that I am willing to give myself over to God and FEEL the awful feeling of being sick from carbs and sugar. . .
Fabu out
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