WTF?

Here I am again, on day 5 of the Master Cleanse. My food got so scary. Over eating and gaining weight. I topped out at 179, but that was in the evening, after I had eaten. I was planning to go on the Cleanse anyway, because I am SICK and FUCKING tired of thinking about what, when, how much and how I will eat. Am I gaining or losing? I am fat! I am not fat! Jesus. I just needed a fucking break. So here I am, on day 5. And I am remembering the last time, when on day 7 I weighed myself and I had lost only 3 pounds. I guess the real question is why the fuck am I doing this? I know, I know. I want to see if I can make decisions with my food and stick with them. But I wasn't counting on the whole shaky thing. That kinda sucks. I don't think I did any exercise last time I was on the Cleanse. Maybe that is what the shaking is about. In any case, I ain't eatin' tonight, so I am writing this to process those feelings. Sometimes when I come close to doing something but don't do it, I have an excess of energy in my body. And I seem to have this excess energy anyway. Last night, I was exhausted, but fairly humming with energy. I had what I have heard termed restless-leg syndrome. I had to do extensive yoga stretching just to sleep. And my true love was gone. Lame.
I am grateful, grateful to have not thrown up since Jan 27. What a miracle. And I have gained NO weight. I fluctuate between 175 and 179. So fucking what. I remember being over 200 pounds, and being so grateful when I went down under 200. So it is all relative. I could weigh 155 and feel totally skinny, then run into someone my height who would consider that weight grounds for suicide. So, I'm off the weight subject.
Fabu out