INSANITY

What is the definition of insanity again? Doing the same thing and expecting different results? Well, here I am. My life is fucking crazy around two things: money and food. I am in the hole at least 700 bucks (maybe more by now) and just ate a huge piece of apple pie and some peanut butter and honey (after my food day was complete).
How do I really feel? Like I can't count on myself. Like I am a loose-cannon who does self-destructive, childish things and then is pissed when the universe holds me accountable.
AARRRGGHH.
So what is the answer? 1, 2, and fucking 3.
So the powerless thing is easy, I'm sorta fucked. The coming to believe is harder. Do I believe that I can be restored to sanity around my money? Well, not really. Around my food? Not really. But you know the cool thing is that I felt that same way last year this time, but around my bulimia. I was sure that I would puke the rest of my life. And here I am, with 5 months clean. WOW.
So I know that I can be restored to sanity. I just need to remember during my days how insane I really am.
So let's redefine our abstinance, first with food. I will eat no more than 5 times a day. I will not eat past 7pm. I will not eat processed sugar. I will no longer combine raisins with nuts, or peanut butter with ANYTHING. As for the rest, following this plan above is good for me. I feel sure that with lots of exercise, I can lose my weight nice and slowly on this plan. Let me repeat it.
No more than 5 times a day
No processed sugars
no eating past 7pm
no combining raisins with nuts
no combining peanut butter with anything
Oh, and I am WELCOME to get a 3 dollar frozen yogurt everyday. with almonds.
As for the money?
that i will save for tomorrow.